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go away, autism May 3, 2010

Posted by caizooka in autism parenting.
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Sometimes autism just plain doesn’t jive with me. Something is up with Oliver. His wires are crossed lately and what usually had been a situation that he could overcome, if not on his own, then together, has become a battle. A battle that I feel like I’m losing badly. Where is my white flag? What happens if I surrender? Will everyone fall apart? Will life go on just like it has been with no change? I am exhausted. We all are. I feel the optimistic me giving into the pessimism that is screaming at me. I love my kids and my family but I would like a time out to collect myself, to try to understand what is happening instead of running around in a complete state of chaos.

The tantrums/meltdowns have taken a huge toll. The hardest part of it all is that I just plain don’t understand WHY. I don’t understand why my sweet Oliver comes downstairs prancing and adorable with hugs and kisses for all, then turns into a terror without any notice. Screaming. Yelling. Throwing. Kicking. Hitting. Hitting himself. Hitting others. Hitting the floor. Hitting the wall. Ugggg…just wish that I had some answers. The tactics that worked last week don’t work this week.

I want to embrace this. I want to. But, I also want to crawl up in a corner and pretend like this isn’t happening. Yes, I accept you most of the time. But sometimes I want to pretend like you aren’t here invading my life!

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Comments»

1. xine - May 21, 2010

Do you have a respite care provider?


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