jump to navigation

go away, autism May 3, 2010

Posted by caizooka in autism parenting.

Sometimes autism just plain doesn’t jive with me. Something is up with Oliver. His wires are crossed lately and what usually had been a situation that he could overcome, if not on his own, then together, has become a battle. A battle that I feel like I’m losing badly. Where is my white flag? What happens if I surrender? Will everyone fall apart? Will life go on just like it has been with no change? I am exhausted. We all are. I feel the optimistic me giving into the pessimism that is screaming at me. I love my kids and my family but I would like a time out to collect myself, to try to understand what is happening instead of running around in a complete state of chaos.

The tantrums/meltdowns have taken a huge toll. The hardest part of it all is that I just plain don’t understand WHY. I don’t understand why my sweet Oliver comes downstairs prancing and adorable with hugs and kisses for all, then turns into a terror without any notice. Screaming. Yelling. Throwing. Kicking. Hitting. Hitting himself. Hitting others. Hitting the floor. Hitting the wall. Ugggg…just wish that I had some answers. The tactics that worked last week don’t work this week.

I want to embrace this. I want to. But, I also want to crawl up in a corner and pretend like this isn’t happening. Yes, I accept you most of the time. But sometimes I want to pretend like you aren’t here invading my life!


1. xine - May 21, 2010

Do you have a respite care provider?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: