A forced staycation

The good news is that the movie, ‘Beverly Hills Chihuahua’ is growing on me. It’s O’s Obsession O’the Day.  And Emil thinks it’s cute and says, ‘wah wah!’ The not so good news is that we’ll be camped out at home this week. O’s 2nd e.coli test came back positive!  So, we get to start over with testing until we get 2 negatives in a row.  And the other news is that Baby E broke his foot yesterday.  That is what it seems anyways.  Peter and I got home from the ER Sunday night at 11 with the little guy in a boot.  His eyes lit up when J and M greeted us at the door.  He’s not bearing any weight 0n it and is not happy to have it on.  We went to the orthopedic dr. at Children’s on Monday. They ended up casting it.  Its a lovely shade of blue.  A little baby cast. I am glad that they casted it even though E screamed for the entire time that they were trying to put it on.  30 minutes of the cast guy named Wayne wishing that we weren’t there.  Me wishing that we weren’t there. E screaming that he wished that he wasn’t there. It had to be put on though because O and E were trying to take the boot on and off when he had it on that first day. O ended up really hurting Emil, but he didn’t understand. He so didn’t mean to. O has such issues with not understanding how much pain he inflicts upon others.  He kicked me so hard in the stomach last week, I threw up. It’s hard not to get mad at him but he just doesn’t know.  But, then again, it’s important for him to see peoples reactions to his actions.  He only hits and kicks and bites me, Peter, J, M, and E.

I don’t know if it is because the autism walk is coming up this week or because I have received such amazing support and empathy from family and friends, but this past week it was difficult to cope.  I’m super gung ho about accepting autism into our life.  After all, it already lives with us.  I like my life right now. Alot. I kinda see it like, well, until this point we’ve gathered our thoughts, our minds, and our souls and everyone is holding hands, ready to go.  Now we actually have to take the leap that we’ve been talking about and preparing for. Okay, someone has to count 1,2,3, go!  I started to get weepy and super emotional this past week about being that person. What if we didn’t and just stayed the way we were/are?  That’s not real.  The fact is that I’m ready to jump but just acting anxious and kinda savoring the life before we are an autistic family. Is it the calm before the storm?  Is there going to be a storm? When I saw O today and how he was…I think, what storm?  He was so incredibly good today.  No breakdowns.  So sweet.  Really connected.  E was far more difficult with his new super feisty behavior.  My goodness.  My Mom and I were conversing about this tonight and her comment that, “none of your kids are easy” is soooooooo true! I love these little monkeys, but good grief, they are tough!  Difficult and hard.  Sweet and savory.  Kinda the perfect mix.  The ideal dish has the perfect amount of sweet and savory, hot and cold, crunchy and soft.  This period in our lives is temporary and I am confident that the feistiness in E, the all around difficultness in O, the talking back phase of J…it is making them who they are.  I am fiercely proud of that.  My goal as a parent is to make each one of them the very best that they can be.  No more, no less.  Why is this so hard?  Through all of this craziness of the past week, with O and E, it was really nuts, but I feel that we all pulled together to help each other out.  THAT is what family is about.

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