so sweet, but bitter

M commented that we all spoil O.  I am sitting with that and pondering that but I think that she is right.  I can’t not bend over backwards for him.  When he is rebelling and screaming I just want him to be quiet and be at peace with himself and the world around him.  I’ll give into a heck of alot more than I did with J.  We met with our fabulous Dr. C yesterday (have I said today how much we worship her!!).  She told us that O is deficient in Vitamin D, and he is apparently sensitive to cashews, so we are to steer away from them.  Our Dr. went to a functional medicine conference all of last week and came back with some great information that she is anxious to share with us.  She told me that she was half there for herself, and half there for me.  Okay…seriously…what kind of doctor in this modern world even thinks that, furthermore states that!  I LOVE HER!!!  When we are the office for Emil’s appointment, she took O to the potty.  Wow.  We are darned lucky.  I am so excited to hear what she has to share with us about some new thoughts, theories, and ideas about autism.  I felt the second that I met her that she holds one of the pieces of the puzzle to this autism thing in her hands.  We’re definitely on the right path.

So, yes, I am getting back on path and am SUPER excited for Saturday.  I had some t-shirts made for our team.  I don’t know how many will show, but we will definitely be carrying the thoughts and prayers of many of our family and friends who cannot be there with us right in our hearts.  This is the step that I talked about, this is the one where there is no coming back from.  This is it!  I am very excited for it.  We are all going to be awesome because we are inherently awesome.

Today E went to school.  Hallelujah.  That little guy is painfully adorable, but he has been ridiculously attached to me lately, maybe the last 2 months. And that is taking its toll.  He makes me feel claustrophobic the way that he pulls on me, screams at me and demands more than I can give of myself to him.  His screaming makes me want to scream.  In fact, often does.  Our poor neighbors.  I am seriously bewildered that no one has called CPS on us yet. The constant screaming that is coming out of one child, or parent’s, mouth at any given time is enough to warrant curiosity, or atleast some serious annoyance.  Thank you, dear neighbors for dealing with us.  You will be truly awarded somehow.  Maybe some cookies are coming your way.  Not from me. I can’t bake.  I can, but I don’t enjoy it so I won’t get any better.  Follow recipes are like following rules…boring!  You do it because you have to, but not because you want to.  Cooking is where it is at.  No rules, some parameters and go!!! Be creative!  I love it.  As a side note, I will not be a short order cook for anyone.  Maybe I should make one morning/week on the weekend a time when I could be a short order cook so that my family can get their fill of bossing me around. Somehow though, I think that they are satisfied with the food generated out of this kitchen. J is the best eater. To a fault. He has become a HUGE gourmet.  I know that it will end up being a plus for him in the long run, but sometimes, I just want him to be able to have cheerios for breakfast.  I wrote on the shopping list tonight for Peter to get ‘Natural Fruit Loops’.  Apparently, QFC didn’t have any so he got regular Fruit Loops, that actually contain NO real fruit, but heck, they do have that brilliant toucan on the front of the box.  You should have seen Julian’s eyes light up when he saw that box walking in the door.  He looked at it, at me, at it, and at me again. Like he couldn’t believe his good fortune.  Wow, if that is all it takes to get him to do something, I might be having to buy Fruit Loops at costco soon.  Please tell me that my life hasn’t come to this!  I don’t want to be THAT mom. O has me doing anything for him.  It seems that I make him ANYTHING that he wants for breakfast as long as he eats.  That kidlet get numerous amount of sweets during the day.  We all do spoil him.  He is so darned cute though. When that sweet, magical side of O has his eyes on you, you are completely at his mercy.  How could you not be.  His sweet is different than any person that I’ve ever encountered.  But, again, his angry side is unbearable and unfathomable. And completely unpredictable. Yes, he is so unbelievably sweet, but the bitter side is so unbelievably bitter.  I wouldn’t know what to compare it to. The sweet side is easy to c0mpare…walking down the street in Kyoto on a mid-spring day with the subtle scent of cherry blossoms in the air. There are even a few petals scattered here and there.  It is warm so the scent of the petals is everywhere, even where there aren’t any cherry blossoms in bloom. But, the later harsher winds of spring haven’t forced most of the petals to fall prematurely. There is a little shop on the second level of a large street that has only about 10 small tables.  The tables are so incredibly rustic. You wonder how many ladies have been sitting in the same seat over the generations. You order ‘kuzukiri’, the most perfect mix of cold and sweet with a hint of saltiness. That is the kind of sweet that O is when he is his sweetest. I guess that there are words to describe that sweetness. The bitter side I cannot describe yet. Hopefully it will change before the words to describe it come to mind. That is my hope and my prayer for today.

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