First of all, I have to say that I’m so sorry to those who were at Bellevue Botanical Gardens this morning. My heavens, what a morning. What a ruckus my children and I caused. Mostly me. I don’t know why, but I had little patience for dealing with my children this morning. I apologize. I don’t know why I had reached my limit much earlier in the day than I am used to. Good……ness! I am still trying to comprehend what went wrong and when. How do I make it so that next time is better? Because, yes indeed, I will encounter if not the same experience again, it will either be similar in intensity or more difficult. E has been screaming and extremely clingy. O has been the same, but louder and more difficult to understand. Mostly, I think that it was my expectation of the morning to go well that was the problem. I was so looking forward to let the kids run around on the big lawn there and get some gardening inspiration at the same time. When we got there I realized that we only had the single stroller, not the double. I was wrong in assuming that wasn’t going to be an issue. I managed to make things smooth and got both of them into the single stroller and tried to make it a fun game. It went okay until we decided that we wanted to get out and run around. I couldn’t push the stroller on the grass. The garden nazi in me wouldn’t permit it. I think that I need to start getting over my rules and permissions. The Catholic girl in me won’t allow it. The Japanese girl in me is ashamed just thinking about it. What a conundrum. So, because I just couldn’t get over myself, I made the kids get out of the stroller to run around. When raising Julian when he was this age, he agreed to these kind of things. There were things that just were…that was just the way it was and he dealt with it. Sometimes things were disappointing, but the Positive Discipline way of discipline and parenting style worked for him, and for me. If I try that now it just completely backfires. I could ask J, “would you like sausage or bacon for breakfast?” He would always choose one of the two or three choices provided. O always has said, “I don’t want sausage, bacon, or any breakfast meat for breakfast. I only want homemade waffles with mini chocolate chips.” There is no room for error or interpretation in that equation. I have tried to play it up, joke around, switch things around, and I always end up making the homemade waffles with mini chocolate chips. Almost had a panic attack the other day when I thought that we only had regular chocolate chips, not mini chocolate chips! Of course, this is just a metaphor for every single daily interaction that occurs in O’s world. And, in case you didn’t know, Oliver lives in O’s world and we are all just mere pawns in that world. So, back to the BBG. I ended up leaving the place with two screaming, flailing children and myself in tears. Bugger. That is so not what I wanted! In the future, do I just go into an adventure assuming the worst? That goes against my personality for always expecting and hoping for the best. AND, doing whatever possible to make that situation the best that it can be. Do I just need to be more flexible? Yes, there is some truth in that. I do need to be more flexible.
I signed up for the Autism Speaks walk today. If you want join, please walk with me. It is Saturday, October 3rd. Here is the link:
I registered under Team Ollie. More than anything I would just most appreciate your well wishes, but if you are wanted to join in presence, please join us, if you would like to join by sponsorship, that would be so much appreciated as well.
I don’t know about you, but I was the best parent EVER, before I became a parent. As a single mom, it was a bit more difficult probably than most, but Julian was easier to raise thru the earlier years. (who knows what will come next:)) Now I can only imagine that when people look at me as I am trying to corral my little ones that they must be appalled. But, that is okay. They don’t know. They will never know. I was naive to think that way before. I guess that life is just like that. It all seems so easy until you get there. It sure is far more exciting and rewarding than I had ever anticipated though. If there is one thing that I always resort to when I am struggling with who I am as a parent, I always wonder WHY this dear soul chose ME as their MOM. There is something about me that they need. There is something about them that I need. I held each of my kids so tight today after today’s fiasco. We may never be allowed back to Bellevue Botanical Gardens, but we for sure learned something about each other that we didn’t know before. That is how it works, right…I definitely think so.