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First week of school…what stage am I at now? September 10, 2009

Posted by caizooka in Uncategorized.
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Our entire house is abuzz with the first week of school excitement. E started nursery school 2 days/week. J started 7th grade yesterday, and O started in a new classroom today, Pre-K. I put way more energy into getting E and J ready for their schools because O was just continuing on at the same school from last week, but in a different classroom. I’m coming to realize that as much anticipation as I put into getting O ready for an activity, it doesn’t matter. Either it’s a good day and it works for him, or it’s not a good day and he is upset. Today was not a good day for him. I’m finding that there is nothing that I can do to prepare myself for what might happen with him. He woke up complaining of stomach pain. In the little research I have done of autism, it seems that GI pain is quite common amongst autistic children. He often complains of upper tummy pain. So, he woke up off kilter and everything was a struggle. Breakfast, going to school, drop off, the whole notion of a new classroom. Eventually, one of the teachers was able to distract him to looking at bugs. I was in the Toddler Room with E who would not let me go. Literally grabbing onto my clothes. I don’t know why kids pulling on my clothes and stepping on my feet makes me feel enraged and claustrophobic at the same time! I managed to sneak out the back door. He cried for a minute, but then was okay. I left the center with no one crying. Major victory!!

I’m staring at the thick, colorful binder that Autism Speaks sent. The dreaded 100 Day Kit. I was so gung ho about it when I first got it and ripped it out of the package while still on the front porch. Now I can’t bear to open it, furthermore look at it. It’s so daunting. Where do I start. I know that the program is made for people like me who are overwhelmed by this whole process and to try and break it down and make it more manageable. They talk about the Stages Associated with Grieving on page 11. 1. Shock 2. Sadness or grief 3. Anger 4. Denial 5. Loneliness 6. Acceptance. I’m feeling that I’m wavering between number 3. Anger and number 4. Denial. I’ll explain the anger part in a sec. I’m definitely in Denial. Not Denial where I’m not in acceptance of the diagnosis. Yes, I accept that my child has autism. But I have denial in wanting to deal with this! My other two children are causing me so much Grief that I cannot Accept where I am at in the ‘lets pick up the phone and get started’ phase of this journey. So, I feel Angry because I would like to be able to deal better with this and I feel Guilty (that should be a stage in this, too!) because I haven’t been able to get a move on. Which as a result makes me feel Lonely because I have somewhat alienated my family members because I am Overwhelmed (this, too, should be a stage!) And, yes, this is all so Shocking. So, to recap, I am feeling ALL 6 stages of grieving, plus two extras! That might explain why I am so tired!

Seriously though…this week my goal is to gather contact info into one cohesive place. I might use that last page in the Autism Speaks binder to keep it all together! I so appreciate my friends and family who have shared with me people close to them who are going through similar journeys with their families. I love that those people are willing to reach out to me and give me guidance and share their experiences. I have so much to learn! I will be looking forward getting in touch with those people next week. This week, gather information. Next week, contact. That sounds good!

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Comments»

1. Sabrina - September 10, 2009

Karen – Let me know if you’d like someone to sit down and digest all that info with you. Sometimes it’s nice to have two people look at the same information and I would be happy to help!

2. Mom - September 11, 2009

Karen,
It must be so overwhelming, but just look at the good day Ollie had “dancing” his way to school after the tough day yesterday. I think you are handling the diagnosis and your boys beautifully. It can’t be easy! Then on top of everything, you have to cook dinner! Goodness, a miracle worker you are. See you tomorrow. Love ya. Mom


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