I’ve remained so positive and have weathered this storm pretty well. So I thought until yesterday. Yesterday was too much. For whatever reason, O is all of a sudden very difficult to be around. Every single thing becomes a large issue with him. We had such a nice run there of happy behavior and now this. My sweet as honey 4 1/2 year old has turned into an angry, violent, enraged tyrant. I remember now why J and I used to jokingly call him ‘Saddam Hussein Jr’. I can’t wait for this storm to pass. The OCD has overtaken him. Every single thing he has to have control of. His sandwich has to cut into the right shape. Then the sandwich that he demanded he suddenly doesn’t want. He pushes it away and starts screaming. He fixates on eating sugar filled fruit snacks. I tell him that he may have one after he eats some of his sandwich. He flips out. Tell me he hates me. Tells me he hates eating.

The day continued like this yesterday. Until this week he hadn’t had any real fits where he lost control of himself at his schools. Now he is starting to show them what he is made of. Good in that he feels that comfortable with them and they are more accurately to see what we are seeing and help us draw conclusions. Not good in that this has just gotten that much more difficult. We have great communication with his teachers at both of his schools and they have been wonderful in telling us what is working and what isn’t. Hopefully us talking will help fill in the gaps and we can better understand how to help him.

I see this in two parts…One is the ‘what is causing this behavior’. The other is ‘what to do about it when he gets like this’. Ugg. I think that we’re going to have to set up the ‘safe room’. I was hoping and praying that was just a phase and that he had outgrown that terribly destructive behavior. Unfortunately it is back with a vengeance and he is smarter and stronger. (have to make the reference to The Terminator here) By the end of the day yesterday, the I’m-doing-my-best-to-be-patient-with-you attitude was dwindling. When O threw his dinner plate at me was when I was officially done. I just started to cry. I told him that he made me very sad and has hurt my feelings. Of course, this seemed to add fuel to the fire and he hit E. He hit him a lot and I had to pry him off of him. He still wouldn’t stop hitting him. I slapped his hand. He was then enraged. I grabbed E and took him into the other room. O then went over and started to hit J. It was scary because there didn’t seem to be any stopping him (again…The Terminator). Eventually, he managed to calm down. Maybe because I ignored him. Who knows.

I’m trying to monitor my reactions to him to better decipher what reactions work and which ones don’t. I haven’t found one that works yet. Any ideas? I consider myself a resourceful person, but I have found my parenting box completely empty. Unfortunately when I get to that place with O, the other two boys get even less of me than they deserve.

Just watching him when he was so enraged was bewildering. I just don’t know how to guide him. I know that God gave me these 3 blessed souls to love, nurture, and guide through the world, but lately I am wondering if I am doing any of them justice. At one moment last night I had all 3 of them either crying, screaming, or yelling at me. Yep, that would be my low of the day. My high of the day was watching The Bachelor on my computer after the day was done. What a crazy show. Nice to get lost in that goofy world for 2 whole hours. Where the biggest problem seems to be who got the one on one date with Jake!