What a beautiful evening at the Seattle Children’s ASTAR auction last night. Lets write a haiku about it:

beautiful dresses

laughter, hugs, talking with friends

crazy auctioneer

I ran into a group of ladies from Julian’s previous school. I knew that one of them, J, was on the Guild with my friend, but didn’t know that her son was also autistic. That caught me off guard. All of a sudden when I learned that, it’s like we saw each other…the struggles, the pain, the joys, the fear, all exchanged in a single look. I loved that a bunch of her friends were there to support her. I know that I so valued that my friends that were with me. J talked to me about how her son was also at View Ridge in their Developmental Preschool program but then left to go to the EEU. She told me how wonderful it is there and how much progress her son has made since joining. I had really resisted that path until hearing her strong convictions. I really had thought that O is so high functioning that he doesn’t need it. But, honestly, why not get him ALL of the help that he needs now? I will look into it this week.

The night was so beautiful, with beautiful people, lovely dresses to admire, handsome men decked out in fancy suits. Many, wonderful auction items. We actually ended up winning a great Husky Baseball basket full of great Purple and Gold goodies!  All of the kids were thrilled. J got a couple of signed baseballs and a bat, O got a hat and a pair of cute Husky boots.  I guess that E gets to lug around the fun basket that they all came in! Woo Hoo!

When one of the speakers, Kim, who is a mom of an autistic boy, named T, started talking about her journey with her son having autism, I lost it. As I had feared, I became that hysterically crying woman in the fancy dress. Great! But, as I glanced out, I could tell who the other moms of autistic children were because they were crying as hard as I was. They could feel Kim’s pain as they have felt a pain similar in similar situations…many many times. I could totally relate to her. And, quite honestly, until I heard her story, I thought that I was the only one who was dealing with these situations. I didn’t realize that this is the pain in autism. The fear of not knowing what autism really is, what it means for your child’s, for your family’s future. I feel like I’m in better company now and less lonely in this endeavor. I am understanding that there are a lot of us who are wearing similar shoes right now. Not sure which pair match our outfits…should we wear flats or pumps…shiny or dull…bright or subdued…or just plain for comfort?

Today I spent most of the day in a daze from yesterday. I can’t remember my eyes being so puffy. I haven’t cried so hard since the day we received O’s diagnosis. When we got home last night I just had to hold O. I went into his bed and just held his hand and stared at his beautiful little face. He is adorable. I love that little guy. I am truly happy to have been chosen to be his mom. I don’t know how the world works like that but I feel like we both chose each other.